Where in the Universe is Suri Cruise?

So there's been this huge void in my life and I just couldn't put my finger on what was missing. Well, behold! This morning I opened my USA Today (very grateful, as the hotel did not give me one yesterday), and found an article that said "Suri Cruise still missing from the race."

After grabbing several celebrity rags on the way down to tropical Fla, and seeing countless pictures of all the new celeb babes, I nearly forgot that I hadn't seen Suri. Shiloh almost filled that void, but now that the mystery is over, it's back to Suri Watch. I'm sure she's out there; TomKat wouldn't dare deceive us, would they? Could she be on a journey to get a better understanding of the Universe? Is she detoxing the alien souls she was born with? Is she green?

For those of you who care; Suri is falling WAY behind her fellow celeb babes. From USA Today, some stats on birth-to-image published that may boggle your mind:

• 10 days; Bluebell Madonna Halliwell (Ginger Spice)
• 12 days; Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt
• 16 days; Johnny Backus (Mira Sorvino)
• 19 days; Kingston James McGregor Rossdale (Gwen Stafani)
• 23 days; Grier Hammond Henchy (Brooke Shields)

And as for Suri - it's now been 57 DAYS and no sign of her. I'm getting worried that she'll never be able to make up for this delay. For the rest of her life, she'll have the reputation of tardiness. She'll be branded lazy and slow. Maybe she just doesn't care; or perhaps she doesn't want anyone to know who her parents are. Is she embarrased already?

So Suri Watch continues. I have high hopes.